March 17, 2014
Dear family,
I miss you
all so much and I love you so much. The last couple of days it has been pretty
rainy and I’ve been missing the sun. I had the words to a song come to me
yesterday morning as I was up early and sitting at my desk.
“I like to
look for rainbows whenever there is rain, and ponder on the beauty of the earth
made clean again. I want my life to be
as clean as earth right after rain. I want to be the best I can and live with
God again.”
I love the
words to this song. With baptism we experience this cleansing. We become clean
again – clean form sin, mistakes, and impurities. And even after we are
baptized we have the sacrament, we have repentance, and we have the spirit to
help us stay clean, happy, and in the right place.
Before we
are baptized we must first have faith in Jesus Christ and in His Atonement.
This faith brings peace and strength. The spirit helps us to know in our heart
and have the understanding that we need. Then with this faith it helps us
recognize how much we really need and depend on Jesus Christ. Why is Jesus
Christ referred to as the Savior and Redeemer of the world? Because he saved us
and redeemed us all. We all make mistakes, we all live as fallen individuals in
a fallen world. But Christ made it possible for us to overcome these
conditions. Christ made it possible for us to OVERCOME and BECOME. He made it
possible. We decide. Do we accept Jesus Christ and His Atonement? He suffered
for the sins of the world. He bled from every pre. He paid the price for our
sins. And then he gave up his life on the cross.
“For God so
loved the world that he sent his only begotten son.”
God is our
Heavenly Father and He LOVES US . Jesus Christ is the Son of God. HE LOVES US.
How do we show God that we love Him? How do we show Jesus Christ, our elder
brother that we love him? We accept God and His plan of happiness for us. We
accept Jesus Christ…and out of love and gratitude for Him we apply the
Atonement to ourselves. Believing in Christ and having faith in Him, we make
changes in our own lives so that we might become something better. Because
nothing unclean can enter the presence of God, we repent, bringing the spirit
into our life, bringing joy, bringing peace.
Sometimes on
my mission I have been frustrated with myself and my circumstances. I feel
stuck like a stationary object. All I want to do is move forward. I want to
become. I want to overcome the things that are blocking my path or tying me
down. This week I became so enlightened and I found the answer that I should
have known the entire time. It is REPENTANCE. Repentance helps us move forward.
How is repentance possible? Faith in Christ and God using the gift of the
Atonement. Isn’t my motto “I can do all things through Christ who gives me
strength? That means so much more now that I think about it. Christ can give us
so much strength in so many ways.
As a
missionary I invite people to repentance. Sometimes it is hard to offer that
invitation or extend that commitment to people. I think I just developed a new
desire to preach repentance even louder and cleared now because I understand
more what it is and how it blesses us. Repentance means to change. We turn to God and
we align ourselves with His will. In the Bible dictionary it says, “Without repentance
there can be no progress in the things of the soul’s salvation.”
We all have
weaknesses and shortcomings and we make mistakes. But these things don’t have
to define us. Repentance isn’t just about big changes or big sins. It’s
also about making small changes that make big results. Repentance on a daily basis hasn’t really been a habit
ofmine , and I see how much I’ve been missing out. I’ve really felt the spirit
so much more in my life lately and as a result I feel so much more aware of my
actions, words, and thoughts and the consequences of such. It is said that”[the
Holy Ghost ] acts as a cleansing agent to purify a person and sanctify him from
all sin.” (Bible Dictionary, Holy Ghost ) I feel like I am experiencing this
purification process. As I ponder on my own I recognize ways that I have
potentially hurt others or myself because of my actions. Maybe it was something
as small as a word or a thought, but they still affected someone even if it was
just me. To confess something really requires humility, but it feels so good
knowing that it is a step of putting the past behind. Then, actually going and
apologizing or seeking restitution brings healing in itself. To give
forgiveness and to receive forgiveness is one of the most amazing things.
At the end
of my day as I am praying I like to think about my day. So much to be grateful
for. I usually have questions. I always need to ask for special blessings and
help. But I can also look at myself. Where am I today and where do I want to be
tomorrow?
Yesterday I
sat in the sacrament meeting and I did my best to focus on the Savior and on
His sacrifice. This can be such a special time if we choose for it to be. Dad,
I remember sitting on your lap as a young child during the sacrament. It was
the older Yale Ward chapel in Salt Lake City and we were lucky to have a
beautiful stained glass window there. Before the sacrament was being blessed
you and mom would quietly help us put away our books and coloring supplies…you
taught us reverence. I remember you whispering in my ear about Jesus Christ and
directing my attention to the image before us- the stained glass window picturing
Christ outside of a door. He is knocking. Mom and dad, you have really taught
us kids how special the sacrament is. Your testimonies have helped me as I have
grown up- and now I have developed my own testimony. I don’t need a reminder to
be quiet during this time because I want that on my own. I want and I love this
time to pray, to think, to remember to repent. What does the sacrament mean to
you? Is it just a piece of bread? A tiny cup of water? Or is it something more?
You know how
much I love the chapters in third Nephi in the Book of Mormon. I love reading
about Christ’s ministry among the people there. I love seeing His character. As
Christ went to leave the people “the people were in tears, and did look
steadfastly upon Him as if they would ask him to tarry a little longer with
them.” ( 3 Nephi 17:5) Do you know what Christ’s response was then? He tarried
a little while longer. He called for the lame, the blind, the halt, the maimed,
the leprous, the withered and the deaf. He healed the people of their
afflictions .( 7 )
And the
people loved him “ and they did all, both they who had been healed and they who
were whole, bow down at his feet, and did worship him; and as many as could
come for the multitude did kiss his feet, in so much that they did bathe his
feet with their tears.” ( 10 )
He blessed
the little children. And Christ himself prayed unto His Father in prayer and he
wept himself in behalf of the people.
The ministry
of Jesus Christ is personal. He loves us. He is our advocate with the Father.
Jesus instituted the sacrament among these Nephite people. How special was the
sacrament to them? As they ate the bread and water in remembrance, what would
they have thought and felt? Just because we didn’t have the same opportunity to
see Christ and be in His presence in the same way doesn’t mean that the
sacrament should mean something less for us.
So a few
weeks ago we had a zone training meeting and I remember so clearly the spirit I
had felt there. I felt so at peace. I had been praying so hard for J***, that
he would receive the confirmation from the spirit that he needed. Pretty much
right after we invited J*** to be baptized on March 15th he became
fearful and very cautious when the word came up. We witnessed the growth of his
faith so incredibly. We witnessed the formation of one of the sweetest
testimonies. He told us every time that he would not be baptized at this time.
Maybe in the future. Maybe if I lived in America. Maybe if I wasn’t Chinese. He
had felt the spirit though. He had experienced the power of the Book of Mormon.
I just knew that everything would be okay. Sister H and I came to the point
last week where we didn’t know what more to do. She wanted to give it a break
with J***, back off, and just give him time until he came around. That was hard
for me because I just knew that he was so close and he needed us. We prayed for
him and as I prayed I had tears running down my cheeks. You won’t understand
the missionary – investigator relationship until you experience it yourself. That
night was hard. Sister H and I seemed to be misunderstanding each other over
everything and it was hard. We set up a lesson with J*** for the next morning.
Before going to bed I said jokingly, and with a little lump in my throat, “Sister,
what would you do if J*** told us tomorrow that he would be baptized?” There was
a little chuckle with some obvious annoyance.
The next
morning I was praying and I hear Sister H call out my name. J*** had texted us in
the night and had told us that he would be baptized. He couldn’t wait to tell
us. Oh my goodness. I thought I would cry right then. I was so happy. At our
lesson he seemed nervous. He seemed to recognize how special baptism was- it
would affect his whole life. What had brought about his change of heart? We
went through the baptismal interview questions with him and read D&C 20: 31
and unfortunately he overwhelmed himself with all of the belief. We don’t have
to be perfect to be baptized. We just have to have a desire. We have to be
worthy. (Faith and repentance J) Hours later though, J*** told us that he didn’t feel
like he would be ready. Perhaps we could just postpone the baptism?
I just don’t
understand…. He lives the standards of the church, he’s keeping the
commandments, he’s praying, studying the scriptures, coming to church..We won’t
give up on him though. Today I was praying.
What more can we do to help him? Just keep studying for him. Keep
praying for him. That is what we will do. I do believe with my whole heart that
God touches hearts and he answers the prayers of the faithful.
In the
moment when we sat before J*** and he told us about his decision to be baptized
I just couldn’t believe it. But oh wait! I had already known that. I had
already received that confirmation from the spirit. Everybody has their own
agency though. God is real and he loves us. He answers prayer, but we have to
act on the answers we get. So that’s the story with J***
I felt so
much joy hearing about his change of heart. He hasn’t been baptized yet, but I
can understand and comprehend but a little bit more the joy it talks about in
the scriptures- the joy you experience of bringing even one soul unto Christ.
We can’t
really teach the D*** family from Serbia anymore because they might get sent
back to their country on the 20th this month if they can’t renew
their visa. It’s challenging because we can’t teach them on our own ( we need a
translator) and because of their lifestyle and mentality they have a hard time
keeping the commitments we give them. I
guess it is just in the hands of the Lord. We will do what we must.
The work
here has been really hard this week though. We have had some conflict in our
companionship and I feel like we are suffering the consequences now. We can’t
just have faith in miracles and expect them to come. We have to have faith in
miracles and actually work on our own
Mom. I thank
you again so much for sending me the talk on Becoming a Consecrated Missionary
by Elder Tad Callister. Wow. His words had such a big impact on me. I really
want to become a consecrated missionary myself. I don’t want to just be mediocre
or good. I really want to do the BEST that I can do. So I have been pondering
about sacrifice – how can I give more? It also goes along so much with repentance-
making little changes and refinements.
1) Give up disobedience. 2) Leave your fears. 3) Don’t be distracted by
romantic passions 4) Give up pride 5) Give up negativism and sarcasm and have
instead optimism and be positive.
Some of my favorite quotes or ideas
from this article:
Sometimes in life we just have to
square our shoulders and do it.
Somewhere, sometime, somehow one must
face the wall square up and climb it.
Choose between rationalization and
repentance.
Don’t just change behavior, change
nature.
Be obedient because you want to, not
because you have to.
Whatever the excuse is, it must
eventually be overcome.
”If ye believe all these things, see
that ye do them” (Mos. 4:19)
Eventually we must do more than just
tell the stories of the Book of Mormon; we must live them.
Rise above it.
Discipline your passions.
Hunger and thirst for instruction as
to how you can be better.
Go the extra mile. Be an extra miler.
Be a winner and a finisher.
Consecrated missionaries (or people)
never give up on the Lord’s work. When you are exhausted and feel like you have
nothing left , rely on your faith.
If you expect to change the world, to
change lives, to change yourself, it comes with a cost.
God will not let us be content with
our weaknesses.
The Lord doesn’t expect immediate
perfection from us, but he does expect immediate progress. With progress comes
consecration.
I really do
hope to become more on my mission and to accomplish great things. Did you
realize that I hit my half way mark last week? Wow, the time has gone by. I’m
not going to let myself become discouraged more though or disappointed because of
the rate of the work here or the uniqueness of this mission. I feel like this
has got to be one of the most difficult missions of the world. But I am strong and
I can take it. Maybe I won’t see anybody baptized while I am here. Maybe I
will. I can’t control the agency of others. I can open my mouth though and spread
the restored gospel to many who have never before heard it. What a wonderful
opportunity.
Today on the
bus going to do emails a very friendly man began talking to us. He recognized
us as missionaries and he himself was from Pennsylvania in the U.S. He said, “
I just love having you Mormons around in the neighborhood. You are so friendly and
you just spread so much good.” It’s not very often we get such a compliment. It
really mended many of the blows we’ve taken the past week. People really do
notice us. People know who we are. And even if we feel like we really aren’t making
a difference I know we are.
So, can I
ask you to pray for some special things for me? Pray for me and my companion
that we might have unity and understanding that we might have the spirit with us.
Pray for us that we can help each other in obedience. Pray that we won’t fear
the judgments of those we meet. That we won’t fear to open our mouths and
speak. Pray that we might really recognize how precious our time is and that we
can use our time carefully and not waste it. It can be so hard to be in a
companionship sometimes. I am so scared of conflict and contention because it
chases the spirit away. But at the same time, I have had a hard time addressing
certain issues and concerns that I’ve had. I just really want to help my
companion and I want her to help me so that we can both become something better-
someone better.
I should be
bringing this to a close. But I am so grateful that I could write to you all. I
hope my words and experiences help you in some way. Remember I am here and want
to hear about what’s going on in your lives. I have made a new commitment to
myself to write letters home each week. (not just email ) If you write me, I
promise I will respond. I would love to hear from you.
Stay strong,
be safe, and have fun back home.
I’m praying
for you all. Thank you as well for your prayers in my behalf.
I LOVE YOU!!
Love your
daughter, sister, and friend,
Sister Heidi
Elaine Shelley
Please, please
forgive me for my neglect at regular letter writing. I’m repenting of it! :D
No comments:
Post a Comment